Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
10:30 AM
Weather: humid, rainy... just as I love it!
So in an attempt to fix my sleeping cycle that was a bit weird (sleeping at 5:AM and waking at 4:PM, I know, no comments), I slept early yesterday... Or actually fell asleep while watching "Sound of Music"... the last thing I remember is the bedroom scene where Maria sings "My favorite things" with the children before the super-hot and super-mean Captain Von Trapp busts them... Gosh, I wish men like him still existed today...
Anyways now I am not gonna talk about guys/men/chromosome XY...
Right now I am drinking coffee... and I am actually writing this article because last year, I did the same, I wrote an article thirty days before school, so I am trying to make it a tradition...
A little bit special, though, because these are the last "thirty days before [HIGH] school"...
So that brings me to think about this last year....
They say that it goes fast. My three years in the US and in high school went extremely fast.
I can still remember my first week (especially because the rainy weather reminds me of it...) in this school... And I smile everytime I remember how tiny and clumsy I was.
It is true that this school (or more specially some persons I met at this school) changed me completely, and made me stronger. Much stronger. And ambitious. Helped me believe in myself and my capacities. It is true, now I believe in myself more than ever (eventhough sometimes I have doubts...).
Anyways, if I kept talking about the impact of Rochambeau, I would take all the available space on the web...
So this is why I am feeling nostalgic that this is the last year, and it's going to come to an end. Again, I can't believe time went so fast... And the thing is, I don't have as many memories of my eleven or so years in my previous school back in Lebanon than here...
I visualize my previous school as a whole continuity, and technically, it was: a tiny school, almost the same classmates (except in 4eme), the same teachers for years... and the same problems...
While here, everything is different. Everyday there's a surprise, a ''rebondissement''.
Needless to say, this is the school where I have been the happiest. And I love it...
So that brings me to think about after this last year. I have a lot of college choices, my top 3 being NYU, University of Chicago and Haverford College...
And I am somewhat impatient and curious about going to college. I believe that I have a chance to be accepted where I want, although I am stressing a lot about it... I am curious about discovering finally what it is, the whole life, the interesting classes, everything....
Okay, what else...
Do I need to make a bilan about how I changed in a year? Let's see:
Important points:
- TPE and Bac: after freaking out and feeling somewhat worthless after thinking that I failed TPE and thus I will fail the bac, I finally learned that I need to believe more in myself (as would a teacher of mine always repeat it), and the results were surprising but PERFECT (c.f. previous article). So eventhough this happened in the last month and a half or so, it was the bloody hell of a boost. I am still lacking confidence sometimes, but much less than before...
- Facing the toughness of première: yes, it was stressful. The most stressful year I had. Yes, there was times where I'd go home completely depressed and feeling worthless, or sometimes I'd feel completely sick and exhausted... But that toughened me up... Much more... I thought that 1ereL would be easy. Technically, it's not. But I am passionate about what I'm studying so the toughness is a much smaller obstacle. It's definitely not as quiet, serene and zen as I imagined, but I wouldn't do something different if I could go back in time.
- I became much, much more ambitious: for example, Barack Obama's election showed that anyone can become president, even a person like me, who isn't born in the US. I believe in change and I have a presidential ambition, and will work on it...
- Talking of politics, I became more skeptical and learned not to believe everything the politicians promise, but rather make my own political opinion depending on the most important things for me...
- Love: I had a serious reality check and learned two things: 1) although it's tempting to believe in true love, it won't come so easily and will hurt like hell, thus 2) it is important, especially if you want to survive as a woman in the 21st century, to think with the logical side of your brain rather than the emotional.
It is tempting, as a young girl, to believe all the romantic stuff a guy will tell you, but when you find out the guy did all this just because he wanted to get something very precise from you, you become 1) furious against yourself, 2) skeptical, 3) much immune to some nice words and sweet attitude.
Bottom line: I'm okay with dating, but I am keeping my distances emotionally. I am not falling in love because that would mean sacrifying logic, which could be fatal.
I used to have a romantic nature, dreaming of the perfect wedding dress, the perfect husband and a nice little family, but now I know that first, I need to be independant (on all levels) before I get married. This means, finishing my studies and have an excellent job... I'm okay with dating anytime, and even being in a serious relationship, but never to the point of forgetting my ambitions and doing something stupid because I'm "in love".
So now, I can't really think of other things... Basically, I thoughened up on all levels this year... And it's a good thing. You can never be too tough...
If you wanna survive as a woman in today's society, toughness is a must.